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Wuh Chew Seh?! (Black Gaddy’s Wrong Lyrics)
Years ago, I remember seeing a website entitled “The Ants Are My Friends” and at first, I had no idea what the title meant. This was mostly because I was not familiar with the Bob Dylan song from which it was based. When I later realized that the website listed a bunch of erroneous lyrics to popular songs–many of which I didn’t know–I felt it was necessary to do something similar with a focus on Black artists. Folks like The Bee Gees and D’Angelo purposely sing in such a way that makes it difficult for most of us to have a clue as to what the hell they be talking about. But on most other occasions, we just sing whatever we think sounds best, even if the lyrics coming out of our mouths make absolutely no sense. With the invention of the internet, we now know that as Don Henley was making his way to “Hotel California”, he was not “on a dark desert highway, Cool Whip in my hair”, but we still sing it that way anyway because humans are some stubborn bastards!
The real inspiration of “Wuh Chew Seh?!”” is a chick from high school I used to ride around with named Daphne. She had a huge puff of Aqua-Netted blonde hair and always sang at the top of her lungs as she drove. And she never, ever sang the right lyrics. Never. In her mind, Stacey Q’s biggest hit was about breakfast food: “Two Pop Tarts! Two tarts that heat as one!” she would sing while the rest of us in the car would look at each other giggle.
This section of Black Gaddy’s Music is for you, Daphne, and everyone else out there who rides around singing their heart out without giving a single fuck about lyrical accuracy.
Artist
Donny Hathaway
Title
This Christmas
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“And as I look around / your eyes are Chinatown, they do
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“And as I look around / your eyes outshine the town, they do.
Quickie Comments
Could her eyes be Chinatown because she’s smoking some holiday herb?.
Artist
Vicki Sue Robinson
Title
Turn the Beat Around
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“Turn the beat around / Love to hear her cousin.”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“Turn the beat around / Love to hear percussion.”
Quickie Comments
Hey, if her cousin’s cute, why not hear him out?
Artist
Five Star
Title
Let Me Be the One
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Oh Herman, I just can't pretend."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
Oh, I'm hurtin', I just can’t pretend."
Quickie Comments
Herman always seemed like the least sexy name ever. Doris could do better.
Artist
Alexander O'Neal
Title
Fake
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Your daddy was pouty, but now he's gay. Girl, you seem to change it every day."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“Your name was Patty, but now it's Kay. Girl, you seem to change it every day."
Quickie Comments
Is there really that much difference between being pouty and gay?
Artist
New Edition
Title
Can You Stand the Rain
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"When it's Toshiba Woman she will always be right there for me.”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“When it's tough, she won't run. She will always be right there for me.”
Quickie Comments
I see Ralph like them Asian women.
Artist
Boys II Men
Title
On Bended Knee
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“I’m gonna swallow my pride, say I'm sorry. Stomp on your fingers, the pain is on me.”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“I’m gonna swallow my pride, say I'm sorry. Stop pointin
Quickie Comments
When it comes to Noize II Men, I would like to stomp on more than their fingers
Artist
Janet Jackson
Title
The Pleasure Principal
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"…human differential…"
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"…human differential…"
Quickie Comments
Besides "it's the pleasure principal, oooh", this is the ONLY lyric I understand in the entire song
Artist
Michael Jackson
Title
The Way You Make Me Feel
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Give it to me! Give me some gum! Come on be my girl, I wanna be the one."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“Give it to me. Give me some time. Come on be my girl, I want you to be mine.”
Quickie Comments
MJ knows that if he wants to get that girl, he's gonna need some fresh breath.
Artist
Prince
Title
When Doves Cry
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"And the most tri-curious poses…"
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Animals strike curious poses…"
Quickie Comments
I can almost understand a bicurious pose, but a tri-curious one?
Artist
Stephanie Mills
Title
I Feel Good All Over
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“The way you hold it and smile my way.”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“The way you hold me and smile my way.”
Quickie Comments
wonder what he's holding that made her feel so good all over…
Artist
Brenda Russell
Title
Piano in the Dark
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“He plays a melody on the Telly Bonaparte / tele Bonaparte.”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“He plays a melody born to tear me apart.”
Quickie Comments
Either the son of Kojak and Napoleon or an apparatus Napoleon used to place phone calls.
Artist
Irene Cara
Title
Fame
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“I feel it coming together, people will see me and die.”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“I feel it coming together, people will see me and cry.”
Quickie Comments
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens to a lot of folks when they come face-to-face with fame.
Artist
Milli Vanilli
Title
Girl You Know It's True
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“And with your positive emotions, lovemaking and junk.
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“And with your positive emotions, lovemaking and joy.”
Quickie Comments
What could be better than an afternoon of lovemaking and junk with a Milli or a Vanilli?
Artist
Anita Ward
Title
Ring My Bell
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
Well, lay back and relax while I put away the tissues. And you and me can rock on back.
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
Well, lay back and relax while I put away the dishes. And you and me can rock-a-bye.
Quickie Comments
Anita was probably crying about all the dishes she had to do.
Artist
Rose Royce
Title
I Wanna Get Next to You
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“Girl, my money is low, and I know that I can't take you to the fancy places; you might never go.”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
Girl, my money is low, and I know that I can't take you to the fancy places you might wanna go.”
Quickie Comments
Get with me, girl, and I'll make sure that you never see the inside of a nice restaurant
Artist
Marvin Gaye
Title
Come Get to This
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“I'll bring the lettuce, now tell me what you miss.”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“Ah ah baby your letters, ah tell me what you missed.”
Quickie Comments
I had no idea Marvin worked at Subway back in the day.
Artist
Sheila E.
Title
The Glamorous Life
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“They made love by the seventh way. She wished she had a condom.”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“They made love by the seventh wave. She knew she had a problem.
Quickie Comments
Without a rubber, real love is real scary.
Artist
The Gap Band
Title
You Dropped a Bomb on Me
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
“Ay, ay, ay…Ay, ay, ay Armageddon!”
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“I, I, I...I, I, I won't forget it.”
Quickie Comments
Dropping bombs is one of the best ways to start Armageddon. Makes sense
Artist
Taylor Dayne
Title
I'll Always Love You
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"And filled my evil heart with a love to call my own."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
“And filled my eager heart with a love to call my own."
Quickie Comments
Sometimes all it takes is some good dick to turn a girl’s evil heart around
Artist
Gladys Knight & the Pips
Title
Midnight Train to Georgia
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Umm...Ellie proved too much for the man."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Umm...L.A. proved too much for the man."
Quickie Comments
If Ellie was too much for the man, he might be gay on the DL, Gladys.
Artist
Ready For the World
Title
Ceramic Girl
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Surround the girl you know you’re so fine."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Ceramic Girl you know you're so fine"
Quickie Comments
If the song was sung by anyone other than these softies, those lyrics could represent a real #metoo moment.
Artist
Al B. Sure
Title
Off On Your Own
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Ah, you better get home, home, home, girl. You better get home, home, home."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"All alone you get off on your own, girl. All alone you get off on your own.
Quickie Comments
She'd better get home, home, home to masturbate.
Artist
Prince
Title
Little Red Corvette
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Believe it or not, I started to wear red. Wondered if I had enough class."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Believe it or not, I started to worry. Wondered if I had enough class."
Quickie Comments
Nothing shows class like wearing red from head to toe.
Artist
The Jets
Title
Private Number
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"You got the key, my private number. Excuse the fee."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"You got the key, my private number. Exclusively.
Quickie Comments
My lyrics make perfect sense. Anyone my age knows that back in the day, we had to pay for toll calls, including those to private numbers. So there, Jets!
Artist
Janet Jackson
Title
Love Will Never Do (Without You)
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Our friends think we're out for sex"
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Our friends think we're opposites."
Quickie Comments
Um. Janet was certainly out for sex in the days before she went plump and Muslim.
Artist
Toni Braxton
Title
Love Shoulda Brought You Home
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Now I smell the coffee, got a wicked cold."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Now I smell the coffee, got a wake-up call."
Quickie Comments
When you get a wicked cold, your sense of smell is the first thing to go, so Toni got lucky that being under the weather didn't stop her from enjoying the aroma of her morning joe.
Artist
The Emotions
Title
Best of My Love
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Doesn't take much to make me happy, and make me style with grease.
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Doesn't take much to make me happy, and make me smile with glee."
Quickie Comments
This was 1977. Had to get that afro right with some Royal Crown pomade.
Artist
Jeffrey Osborne
Title
You Should Be Mine (The Woo Woo Song)
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"You've got 'til 45, my love. You thought about me."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"You've got to fortify my love, to fortify me:"
Quickie Comments
The clock's ticking. All bets are off once it hits 46.
Artist
Vanity 6
Title
Nasty Girl
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"I'm looking for a man that'll do it anywhere, even on a never seen floor."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"I'm looking for a man that'll do it anywhere, even on a limousine floor."
Quickie Comments
Man: "I can't see the floor." Vanity: "Don't matter. Still a good place to give me some good D."
Artist
Babyface
Title
When Can I See You Again
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"When can I pee once again?"
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
When can I breathe once again?
Quickie Comments
A question better left for Babyface's urologist, not some chick.
Artist
Tony! Toni! Toné!
Title
Whatever You Want
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Whatever you need (whatever you need baby), 'cause it's the tools, honey, one can find."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Whatever you need (whatever you need baby), call six three two twenty-one three five.
Quickie Comments
Dwayne got a store credit at Home Depot so getting tools and gardening equipment is not a problem. What more could a woman ask for?
Artist
The Gap Band
Title
Burn Rubber (Why You Wanna Hurt Me)
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"When I got back to the flat, you had turned over, acrobat"
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"When I got back to the flat, you had burned rubber out the back.
Quickie Comments
Acrobats do turn over, so my lyrics do make sense.
Artist
Evelyn "Champagne" King
Title
I'm In Love
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Now with you in my life, I can live in the street."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Now with you in my life, I can live this dream."
Quickie Comments
Nothing like finding a man who can take your hand and lead you into homelessness.
Artist
Firefall
Title
You Are the Woman
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"I saw your face and that's the last I've seen out my eyeball."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"I saw your face and that's the last I've seen of my heart."
Quickie Comments
That girl so fine, she burned out my eyeballs.
Artist
Fleetwood Mac
Title
Second Hand News
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"I'm your second Hindu, I'm your second Hindooooo!"
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"I'm just second hand news, I'm just second hand news."
Quickie Comments
This girl really has a thing for men from India
Artist
Michael Jackson
Title
Don't Stop Til You Get Enough
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Keep on, when the French toast's done, don't stop 'til you get enough"
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Keep on, with the force don't stop, don't stop 'til you get enough"
Quickie Comments
Even MJ knew that breakfast was the most important meal of the day.
Artist
Stevie Wonder
Title
Superstition
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Seven years of bad luck, pissings in your pants."
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Seven years of bad luck, the good things in your past."
Quickie Comments
I think peeing in your pants for seven years straight could be construed as some seriously bad luck.
Artist
Cyndi Lauper
Title
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
What You Thought They Be Sayin’
"Oh mama dear, we're not the four chicken buns.
What They Really Be Sayin', Tho
"Oh mama dear, we're not the fortunate ones."
Quickie Comments
Mama, we may be the two chicken buns, but certainly not four.